she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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