I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
