I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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