What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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