Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
