We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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