That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
