I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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