Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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