I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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