dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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