Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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