dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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