I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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