My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Someone shit on the floor
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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