Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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