A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
