Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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