Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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