why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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