Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
