there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I need a burrito and a hug.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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