My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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