i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
