She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
