the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
