Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Found the puke drawer
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
