well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
My boob is missing a layer of skin
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
