If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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