I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
