she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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