DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS