i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
The air taste purple.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
