Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
