dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
