Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
