people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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