I hope mine doesn't look like that
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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