Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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