at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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