Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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