I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
