Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
