Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
