I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
