"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize