why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
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