Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
