HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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