you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
