I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
