Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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