Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
