Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
