well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
