Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
