The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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