I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Randomize
