when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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