I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Randomize