I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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