i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Don't tell me you're on acid again
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
