Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
