I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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