you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
