Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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