I'd wear matching sweaters with you
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
