did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
