Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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