I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize
