i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
