I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
