I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
