could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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