i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
