So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
