Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
