she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
